Why I had to rethink the opioid crisis

I like to think I am more of a libertarian than anything else when it comes to politics and social issues.  So when it came to drugs, I had generally felt that adults should be free to do whatever they wanted to their own bodies as long as they are willing to accept the consequences of those actions.  I used to think that people who got hooked on heroin had only themselves to blame and they should just deal with the consequences of their actions and we shouldn't waste a bunch of tax dollars trying to prevent, treat, or even punish those people.  While I still believe that people are ultimately responsible for their own actions, two things have changed my mind to cause me to be a little more open to a government-based solution to the problem.  And even where I am not willing to sign off on wholesale nanny-state or war on drugs approaches, I have much more empathy for the people and families affected by this crisis.

The first thing that changed my mind was the realization that a lot of times, these are not victimless crimes.  When someone gets hooked on heroin, not only does it destroy their own life, it destroys the lives of other people around them.  Spouses, parents, siblings... but most importantly, children.  Becoming a father has really driven home the concept that there is now a life which is totally dependent on me for just about every level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  If I am not able to provide him love, attention, food, or a safe place to live, then who does?  Luckily, I have a wonderful wife who I am sure is more than capable of raising a child alone, as well as an extended family that would likely be more than willing to take him in, but how many other people are that lucky?  What if both parents are hooked?  What if the family is in shambles to begin with?  At that point, the state is really the only safety net left, and to me, that is terrifying.  I think if you have a kid, maybe the law should treat you differently.  And I am talking both carrots and sticks here.  Maybe there should be more resources available to addicts who are also parents.  I absolutely think there should be more resources available to the countless grandparents out there who are playing mom or dad to the next generation.  Anyway, that's my "children angle" on the matter.

The second thing that changed my mind was my own personal experience.  I have always been particularly resilient when it came to physical dependence.  I have never done hard drugs, so I can't speak to that, but I did used to smoke socially, and I never got hooked despite all the warnings.  At my peak, I probably smoked 2 packs a week (mmm, cheap Argentina prices on Lucky Strikes...), but one morning I woke up, coughed up a bunch of brown phlegm, and quit cold turkey for months.  I used to use smokeless tobacco too (snus, anyone?), but after learning that I could pay just $20 a month instead of $50 a month for my life insurance if I quit that for 3 years, I dropped it cold turkey the minute after I got off the phone with the insurance agent.  I am currently 19 months in to that resolution, so yeah, I can resist physical dependence.

If you read my previous post on here, you read about a surgery I had done a few years back.  Now I had been on general anesthesia for surgery once before, in high school, so I thought I knew what to expect.  I had also had Codeine prescribed after my wisdom teeth came out years ago, so I thought I knew opiates.  But when I came out of surgery for my butt, the hospital staff gave my an Oxycodone for the first time in my life.  The rest of the evening, I was floating on air.  It was the best feeling of my life, hands down.  It was like being drunk but without the dizziness or the "fog".  You just floated.

I will never forget going to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.  I had someone drive me, thank goodness.  As I was paying for my thirty pills, I had a little trouble answering some basic questions and getting my card out of my wallet.  Meanwhile I am still just enjoying the feeling of being high out of mind.  The pharmacist, a concerned look on her face, asked me point blank if I had driven myself there or if I had a ride home.  I assured here I would not be driving myself.

Later that evening, just a few hours after the first pill, the effects were starting to wear off, so I popped another pill.  No pain had really set in yet, just a general feeling of discomfort and that someone had been poking around back where they shouldn't be.  I rationalized the decision to take another by figuring that I was probably in so much un-medicated pain that I should just take the pill to ward it off before it could fully set in.  I coasted back into the clouds for another couple hours, and then went to bed.

I woke up the next morning and my backside was indeed pretty sore.  It even hurt a bit.  But not really any more than a deep gash you might get from an errant swing of an axe (looking at you, Oxycodone-less camping trip to Vermont).  I had 29 more pills to take, and the instructions said to take one or two as needed every four hours, so I popped another one before I even had my morning coffee.  The effects were not nearly as strong as they were the day before, but I still felt pretty dang good.  Around noon and my backside was throbbing again with that dull pain.  I looked at the bottle and re-read "one or two"...

In hindsight, I truly believe that in that moment I was at a crossroads.  Not a full blown Robert Frost style fork in the road, but may the first of what could have been many small turns.  I see now that the final destination could have been horrific.  For a minute or two, I seriously contemplated taking two pills instead of one.  Not because I was in pain.  Just because I liked the way they made me feel, and one alone wouldn't do the trick.  But instead of popping a double dose of opioids, I chose the prescription ibuprofen.  I don't know if it was my own common sense, the fact that I had already read several articles about opioids, or divine intervention, but in that moment I realized how dangerously close I was flirting with abuse, and how deceptively quickly addition could set in if I just did what felt good.

I never took another pill of Oxycodone after that, but I can see how someone in a different situation would have given in.  Even me in a different situation would have given in.  I wasn't actually in any true pain.  I had family in town staying at the house visiting.  I had work on Monday.  I wasn't out on disability.  I had relationships that were going well with people I wanted to spend time with and who wanted to spend time with me.  Change any one or all of those factors and two more pills might have sounded just a little too good to resist.  So today, I empathize with people who get hooked on prescription opioids and then turn to heroin.  Even if my story was just a "baby's first drug" experience, I know what it's like to build up a resistance to a dose and want something just a little stronger to get you back to that same cloud.  Quite frankly, it scares the shit out of me to think about what could have been.  It make me really feel for the people who took those turns that I did not...

Well, once again, that was probably way too much information to share publicly.  But I wanted to share my story for three reasons.  First, as a cautionary tale.  I thought I was better than addiction, and that pride almost cost me.  Be careful if you are prescribed opioids.  Second, if you are currently in the middle of this struggle, I am there for you.  Please feel free to reach out to me, judgement free.  And if we're not close enough to do that, share this story with a friend, ask them what they think about it, and then reach out to them for help.  Third, to my fellow libertarian minded friends, or no-nonsense lock 'em up war on drugs types, I'd ask you take a moment to re-think your position on the issue.  Today, I believe stronger laws are needed to prosecute doctors who over-prescribe narcotics.  I believe we should have better programs for rehabilitation and treatment.  I believe there should be no criminal charges for using drugs or possessing small quantities.  I believe in stricter regulation of the drug industry and the medical guidelines for prescribing these pills and following up with the patients.  Why did I get thirty pills without even asking for them or reporting being in any serious pain?  That should not be allowed to happen.  I believe much more should be done to support the families that take in a kid whose parents are addicts.  I am open to other suggestions, and willing to lend an ear to people who want to propose solutions, regardless of who they voted for.

Stay safe, stay well, stay healthy.  It's a scary world out there.  We need to be there for each other.