9 Things I Miss About the Army

I served in the US Army for 4 years - from 2009 to 2013.  This means that right now more time has passed since I left the service than the total I was actually in.  That blows my mind.  It doesn't seem like it was just yesterday or anything, but it also doesn't seem like a whole other person could have gone through the same experience as me starting after I left and also be out today.  I have a cousin who just graduated from Air Assault school.  I worked for his dad when I was in college and his son was in middle school.  Time continually marches on, I suppose.

There may be a little bit of a rose tint to my rear view mirror, and I can't deny that nostalgia is a powerful force.  Those of you that knew me while I was on active duty might laugh to read this list today.  But I am writing this as a veteran looking back, not as an author trying to document "how it really is."  That time in my life was very different -- it was much more orderly, yet more chaotic.  More disciplined, yet more thrilling.  More exciting, and yet lonelier.  The highlights of my reminiscence range from the practical to the psychological.  Here is my list of nine things I miss about the Army.

1) The Clothes

I think the fact that to this day I still wear my Army issue socks speaks volumes.  Our government is getting a great deal from their sock supplier.  Also, they are comfortable.  I've long since chucked out my undershirts, but man, these socks are comfy.  There is something about a sock that goes all the way over your calf that is just perfectly snug and comfortable.

Moving on past socks, just the fact that every day I put on the same uniform is something I miss.  You never had to pick out an outfit.  You never had to update your wardrobe.  You never had to worry about hitting the proper level of professionalism in what you wore to work.  Working in an office turns the idea of a uniform upside down.  I hate worrying about all these things in the civilian world.  Sometimes I wish I could just show up to work in the same uniform day after day. 

Oh, and those boots and pants were super comfortable too.  I used to get home, take my uniform top off, and stay in my undershirt, pants, and boots until I went to bed.

2) The Benefits

There's a reason the healthcare industry is a sixth of our economy.  It's because it sucks.  Insurance is a scam until it's the one thing keeping you alive.  Providers are somehow simultaneously overpaid and underpaid.  The billing system is atrocious.  Networks add a fun layer of arbitrariness to the entire operation.  Oh, and don't forget about your astronomical premiums, deductibles, and co-pays.  You know who doesn't have to worry about any of that?  Someone on active duty.  I miss TRICARE like I miss Saturday morning cartoons.  

Hey people who own a house and itemize your taxes: you know how it's pretty sweet that you get to deduct your mortgage interest and property taxes?  Well, what if you could deduct your entire mortgage payment, or even your rent payment if you didn't own?  Wouldn't that be even sweeter?  Well, active duty soldiers who live off-post basically get to do just that.  There is a line in your pay stub for "BAH" which is your housing allowance.  It's designed to cover your entire housing cost and varies with your zip code.  It's completely un-taxed.  And by that, I mean it's even excluded from those pesky payroll taxes, saving even more than the mortgage interest deduction saves you.  Oh, and when you deploy, you don't have to pay any taxes at all.

When I travel for work, I get pretty fairly reimbursed.  The government goes above and beyond.  Anyone who ever went "TDY" can tell you that you make bank.  Don't forget to claim laundry in your travel voucher!  That's an extra  $2 a day! (OK, maybe they got rid of that, but still, it was there when I was in, and a 100 day TDY earned me an extra $200 doing that alone).  

Don't forget the relocation expenses, the all expense paid R&R plane ticket, the 30 days of paid vacation a year, free gym membership, all kinds of discounts, and a slew of smaller perks.  It's true that the government has the best benefits for your average Joe.  I miss it.

3) Job Security

When I was just a sophomore in college, I had a guaranteed job lined up after graduation.  When I showed up to work, I knew that unless I broke the law or got fat, I would never be fired or laid off for at least 10 years, regardless of how terrible of an employee I might have been.  In five years out of the military, I've witnessed countless firings and been through two different rounds of layoffs.  It's scary out in the private sector.  "YOU ARE AN AT WILL EMPLOYEE".  This basically means your company can toss you without any warning just like your ex did back in your freshman year of high school.  You can go from steady paycheck to unemployed in the blink of an eye, and to someone who is supporting a family, that possibility is terrifying.  I really miss the job security.

4) The Public Pay Chart

If you had asked me to make a list of what I did and did not like about the Army when I was active duty, this is one item that I am sure I would have placed on the "hate it" list.  As a matter of fact, it's something I mentioned during my interviews with companies as a reason for leaving after I got out.  I remember saying something along the lines of "I am a high performer, and it is frustrating in the military to not be rewarded financially for my excellence."  While that might have mostly been a slick sound bite for the recruiter, I really did feel incredibly frustrated that there were no raises or bonuses for high performers in the Army.  You might get promoted ahead of your peers, but at the lower ranks, the first chance I'd have to do that wouldn't be for seven years.  

I don't even want to get into the topic of whether raises or bonuses actually getting paid out for performance in the private sector.  Apart from it varying wildly from one company to another, I've found that unless you have a sales position, these bonuses and raises generally revolve around who is the biggest jerk about demanding one, and who is threatening to leave if they don't get one.  But let's set that whole concept aside for a minute and think of it on an even more basic level.

In the military, as in anywhere one works, everyone generally knows who the poor performers are, and who the rock stars are.  The thing of it is, while it's frustrating to know that you're making the same amount as they are in the military, at least you know.  I swear, in the private sector, people are scared absolutely shitless to talk about how much money anybody makes.  As a result, you don't have a clue what anyone else around you makes.  The guy who is just a little bit better than you... does he make double your salary?  The guy who is on a performance improvement plan... does he actually make a little more than you?  Should you ask for a raise?  Are you overpaid or underpaid compared to your peers?  Are you going to be the first to get axed because you would save an outsize portion on payroll, or is your boss grinning behind your back because he is keeping the salaries in his department at bonus-worthy lows because you are a sucker who doesn't make what you're worth?  Knowing everyone's salary in the military was irritating.  Not knowing in the private sector is absolutely maddening.

Oh, and one more thing - in the military, you got significant scheduled raises at year markers even if you didn't get promoted.  When I was a Lieutenant and ticked over to my 3rd year from my 2nd, my base pay went up by over 15%.  Today, that makes me want to reach back and slap myself for not realizing how lucky I was.  

5) "Odd Jobs" and Opportunities

Life in garrison may have been boring at times, but at least there were plenty of training opportunities.  I went to Unit Movement Officer school to learn how to load equipment onto rail cars and tractor trailers, and then I also went to the Air Load Planners Course to learn how to load vehicles onto cargo planes.  Both times I was able to completely walk away from my day job for a couple weeks to spend all day every day learning something new.  That was fun.  

I also had countless opportunities that I was too lazy to take advantage of, like a chance to go to Airborne School and jump out of airplanes, or a separate chance to go to Air Assault School and jump out of helicopters.

One of the last things I did before I got out was to take on an additional duty as an Investigating Officer for a FLIPL.  I was to spend several weeks conducting my own investigation into some money that was missing from the unit's morale fund bank account.  I got to spend some time with legal getting trained on what to do, and then they set me loose to conduct interviews, gather evidence, and create a sweet binder full of findings and recommendations (spoiler: a soldier totally stole that money).  I had a lot of fun with that assignment.

6) The Work/Life Balance

I will readily admit that my job today provides excellent work/life balance... compared to other jobs in the private sector.  Nothing can touch the military, though.  Unless you were stuck on the deployment hamster wheel, I found that the military really excelled at ensuring that soldiers had plenty of time with their families.

I talked earlier about the 30 days of PTO each year, but it's important to also note the culture surrounding PTO.  In the private sector, a lot of times you are expected to remain available for "emergencies" even while you're on PTO.  In the military, I found that your leave was sacred.  Unless someone died or got arrested or we went to war, no one was calling you while you were on leave.  No one checked their e-mail on vacation.  No one logged back online in the evening after a doctors appointment.  It was gloriously pure time off.

The other thing that I really miss is the four day weekends.  Most of my time in garrison, we had one every month.  That meant that each month I had two four day weeks that didn't cost me a day of PTO.  On top of that, we'd let people go home early on every other Friday most of the time, and I remember the Monday after the Super Bowl being a "late opening" day.  And then there's block leave.  Wonderful, wonderful leave-at-lunchtime-every-day-for-weeks-if-you're-not-taking-time-off block leave.

7) Adventure

I've gotten to do a decent amount of traveling in the private sector.  I've been to Utah, Minnesota, and Wisconsin.  In the Army, I spent at least a month in seven states, as well as a year overseas.  I was paid to drive myself two-thirds of the way across the country, including the absurdly ridiculous journey from tip to tip in Texas.  I trained in the shadow of Mount Rainier, Washington.  I passed through Bangor, Maine, as well as Ireland and Germany.  I drove across the mid-Atlantic more times than I care to remember, including getting stuck in a snowstorm in Virginia and spending the night in a hotel because the governor shut down I-95.  

I had the opportunity as a cadet to shadow a pilot in upstate New York.  The last thing he wanted to do was babysit an ROTC cadet, so he cut me loose to explore.  I finagled my way onto a Chinook helicopter bound for West Point and got to ride on the back ramp with my legs dangling over the most picturesque model train mountain river vista I have ever seen.  I charmed my way onto a Blackhawk that was going to make a detour to New York City on the way back home and got to buzz the Statue of Liberty from the back seat of a combat helicopter.

I got to shoot thousands of rounds of ammunition on the taxpayer's dime through some of the coolest weapons we have.  I got to explore the capital of a country in the Middle East for a day.  I got to live in a tent in the Texas desert and run a remote outpost for a week.  I got to paid to rappel down walls, hike through the woods, play paintball, and go camping.  I got to meet and hear stories from dozens of amazing people who have experiences which put my pathetic tales to shame.  

8) Pride

Do I take pride in what I do at my job today?  In case anyone from work is reading this: sure, yes, of course I do.  But am I proud to work for an average performing, middle-sized software company?  Not really.  Was I proud to be a soldier for four years of my life?  Absolutely.

If the conversation goes on long enough, you inevitably get to the topic of what you do for a living with nearly anyone you meet.  Today, I dread this topic.  I have no cool stories anymore.  I have nothing exciting that happens to me.  I contribute nothing to society.  I am the quintessential office drone, the worker bee in a white collar, the rat running on a wheel which may or may not actually be connected to anything.  It is not a fun topic of conversation for me, and I will deflect with a million questions about your undoubtedly much more interesting and meaningful career.  But if you had caught me 5 years ago... I would have been proud to talk about what I did for a living.

9) Camaraderie

Now we're really moving out of the practical and into the psychological.  I would say that my sense of camaraderie peaked in ROTC and slowly trailed off over the years, but it was there especially strong at the beginning.  Being a part of something bigger, a piece of a puzzle, an actor in a play... I really felt like I was an important part of a close-knit organization.  In an article I read recently, the author wrote something that really hit home: "Friendship is a relationship between those who possess true emotional and intellectual affinity—they do not seek to lose their identity, but rather “find themselves in each other and thereby gain greater self-knowledge and self-possession.” Camaraderie, by contrast, is about submersion in a collective."  This is something that so many outside of the military (and maybe the first-responder community) just don't grasp.  You don't make that many real friends in the military.  You make a few, sure, but no more than you'd make at a regular job.  Instead, you form a different kind of relationship.

You belong to something bigger, something greater than the sum of it's parts.  When you show up to work each morning, there is literally a prescribed spot on the pavement you are supposed to stand on, and people will instantly notice if you're missing.  When you deploy, you are a crucial name on a roster, not easily replaced and certainly not with a high degree of interchangeability.  When you are traveling or eating or walking or just standing around in your group of fellow soldiers... it is unlike anything you will ever experience out of a uniform.  You lose part of your own personal identity in that moment, but in exchange you tap into something visceral and primal - you gain entry into an exclusive tribe and are accepted as one of their own.  It's intoxicating, and I'm convinced it's a large part of the reason so many people stay in for so long, or volunteer for deployment after deployment.  

After you get out, you might see the same faces and spend time together again, but it will never be the same as when you wore the uniform.  To quote the previous article again, "These feelings are temporary—Gray later noted the awkwardness of WWII-veteran reunions where the old fellow feeling could be reignited only with the strong application of effort and alcohol—but they’re deeply powerful."  Spend time in the VA, at a veterans event, or even pass by the USO at an airport and see people in uniform.  That feeling is gone.

So there you have it.  Nine items, devolving into wistful nostalgia... with the lurking doubts in the back of my mind wondering if this camaraderie even truly existed in the first place.  Sometimes I miss the Army.